Sun. Jul 25th, 2021

Love, a powerful force that encompasses all that we see around us, the world we live in. Yes, it was out of love that God made the world and the mere fact that he completed everything in it and readied to serve mankind before he made him tells how much he loves mankind too. True love.

Love is always heard in conversations with different explanations. Many people have read different meanings into it because of personal experience or what someone has gone through, or, based on how the fellow was parented.

Meaning of Love

Love is a mixture of good qualities shown towards oneself or one another. Qualities such as kindness, tolerance, patience, caring, etc show love. When someone shows you these qualities, undoubtedly it’s love. If you tell me that someone loves you, I’ll have to see the person showing you these qualities, else it is not loving.

The Bible also calls Love the bond of perfection (Colossians 3:14). How is this understandable? Let see how this connects with the first definition.

When you have love, you are perfect.

And all the good qualities that define love are virtues every one admires in everyone. There is no doubt if someone possesses all those qualities he’s perfect. What human is caring, kind, forgiving, tolerating, faithful, patient, etc? He’s perfect unarguably.

The fruits of the Holy Spirit equal the qualities that show love (Galatians 5:22-23) now, every living soul should have the Holy’s spirit as a symbol of the evidence of God in him/her, and God is a perfect being, living in you makes you perfect. So having love is having God. meaning perfectness lives in you. Remember, God is the originator of Love, it comes from him (1John 4:7). We love because he first loved us. (1John 4:19).

So when people say love is evil I don’t understand, how can something of this nature be evil? Then we want to say God is evil, and the world itself is evil. But is that true?

Types of Love

Love comes in different types depending on who is giving and who is receiving, and the means or motive.

Agape — this is associated with love for nature, between one and their object of worship.

Eros — Romanic Love. Eros is named after the Greek god of love and fertility. …

Philia — the love you have for a friend that’s so close to you.

Philautia — the love for oneself.

Storge — the love you have for a brother or sister, parents or relatives.

My emphasis for this piece is totally on Eros, the thirst for a romantic adventure. People say a lot about love that you’d be amazed if people should tell you what they see love today or what love is to them. Issues from broken hearts and disappointments have done more harm by changing people’s noble intentions and understanding towards a love to what can’t be said today.

But, should love be blamed for the hurts or we should be blamed instead for not making the right decisions concerning love?

I relate it to our usage of tools in our various homes; if a knife cut you, do you blame yourself for carelessness or the knife for being too sharp?

However you see love to be, I’m an advocate for the existence of true love – the kind that is selfless where a partner is not in for personal gratification and selfishness, that has stood the test of time yet it gets hotter than colder. One would ask if true love exists, why has he or she not found his or hers? The answer to me is not about finding the match for your zodiac sign, how compatible you are with other signs, or waiting on your pastor to say oh yes! God has revealed to me that yes, Joycelyn Dumas, your crush is meant for you, you’re destined to be together. Do these phenomenons even work in the 21st century?

There are three reasons why I think we keep picking the wrong ones and don’t see true love. Let’s go through them in the consequent paragraphs.

1. Impulse Proposal And Approval

One of the reasons is we propose and accept love proposal too early. Which means that we propose to strangers and approve strangers. Meanwhile, the entire Love scope has stages.

First Stage

The immediate desire or connection you feel is not the actual love, it is just attraction. You feel attracted to the other person and what fuels this kind of feeling is the physical characteristics of the person – that’s when you say “wow! I like how she walks, how she talks, her back and front endowment, graceful…” And she would also think like “oh yeah! This is the kind of guy I’ve been looking for; tall, muscle-bound, manly, looking smart…”

These are what attracted us to our partners – the physical features. The feeling at this stage is not much intensive. We just fantasize being with the person, our desire to be doing lots of stuff with him or her and many more. That’s where you never miss a call, heartbeats over phone rings, and how annoying if he or she’s not the one calling. However, it diminishes within a few weeks and rarely beyond a month. Unfortunately, people think this kind of feeling is enough to be called love.

And they will feel the urgency to propose, and the other sees not to waste time either, she accepts right away – they must mean business, aren’t they?

So if you propose within this period or accept a proposal you are likely meeting the “regret” of your love life. It’s seldom you find a love life built on a few days of meeting that becomes successful. If a guy sees you today and says you’re beautiful and proposes, just know the relationship would end tomorrow if you say yes. The reason is he doesn’t know you. He knows only your curves and edges and that is what he’s proposing to. Take those things off and it’s over because he does not know what else again is keeping him. Is it your attitude within those physical features? He or she is yet to find out, so he or she does not love you for real yet. He or she thinks he or she loves you though.

Second Stage

So if the feeling is mutual, and seems the attraction is intensifying, it’s likely to result in the other stage called the in-love state, this is the extreme version of the attraction state. Here, not just the physical features that are riding you, but you become so occupied by the thoughts of the other person’s personality; what he or she likes and dislikes, his or her dreams etc…

You become so blind that you don’t even notice his or her flaws, if you see one or two red flags, you swallow unconsciously with the mindset that it would be okay. You disillusion him or her to be the perfect ever. You’re happy and that is all that matters…and when friends or family try to talk about him or her you see them as enemies – take it easy.

It’s quite unfortunate that this state can last for about two years…and yet the real or true love exam is not passed.

Third Stage

When the in-love state finally leaves you, it’s like your eyes get open to realities. You begin to see your partner as he or she is, her flaws, the red flags…and you question yourself, why haven’t I seen all these all this while? It’s not your fault; you were in love – now you’re facing reality.

This is the stage I call the test of your love. You will be opened to all the irritating things about your partner… And the only thing that could make you stay in if you truly love him, or her. Do you?
This is why even marriages breakdown. They met a few months ago, married a few months ago, and a few months ago they’re busy at the court signing divorce papers. Thus, they took a flight of attraction to in-love, and they just landed to reality…and it’s like is this the person I married to? Oh yeah… all within few months. They didn’t allow or give love enough time to settle for them to know the necessary decision.

How bad it is when your in-love state takes forever, you would make decisions and commitments that make love sounds hell to you when you finally land unto reality.


2. Fantasized or Exaggerated Love Perceptions

The second reason we miss finding true love is some people exaggerate or wrongly percept love. They see love to be so special (yeah it’s special) in a way that they predict how it should come to them; If he or she is my true love then he or she should meet me in a certain way – the magical extraordinary way so that at the wedding grounds when the MC asks how did you guys meet, the entire house would be like oh wow, oh my God, that’s touching… Someone would tell you I met him and my breath seized, he’s my true love because how he even looked at me in the eyes and seemed like the whole world was static for a second…I see.

Sometimes too, these exaggerations or perceptions result from what we see others go through or what we are taught by our societies or environments.

For instance, Jason is a good guy; he did so well and still didn’t work out well with him or his love life, so bye to love, it’s wicked. Yeah, but remember you and Jason are dealing with a different thing altogether, different person with different culture and a whole make up of personalities – his love life differ from yours, and if he would be honest, he will tell you where he flawed that perhaps made love leave him.

Some also would say regarding my society or religion or beliefs, this is how love should be. We should stop explaining love in some complex ideologies that blind us from what it is. Then we would realize that love had always been with us.

So love is innocent, our definitions of how it should be might be why we are distasting it today.

Also, these exaggerations or perceptions can be related to the scenes we watch on our screens – movies – lovebirds often meet in mysteriously, the love is so perfect and sweet. As a result, even a colleague at work could love him or her perfectly, he or she would say no, because she thinks that’s not how or where he should meet her true love ( I should meet him at an event, in a garden, and feel my heartbeat upon seeing him, there should be drizzling, and he would offer me an umbrella, then we kissed under one umbrella…really?

And if he or she is in a relationship already, and problems emerge he would compare his or her love life to a movie that relates, then conclude that “this is not how things should be” according to the related movie, then the next thing is to break up and be free, since that was exactly what happened in the movie.

Movies do impact our daily lives, which also revolves around our love lives positively or negatively.

According to The Huffington Post, researchers from The University of Michigan studied 625 college students to resolve if movies and TV shows were influencing their love lives. One of the findings indicated that more exposure to marriage-themed reality shows led participants to believe in “love at first sight” and “true love will be nearly perfect” – (what researchers call idealization)
Love at first sight – How could you love a stranger upon just seeing or meeting him or her the first time? It’s just an attraction. Not love yet.

They perceive love to be free from problems, even if there should be, it should not be this or that… What I say to this is even as a single person you would still have problems in life, how much more two people trying to live as one?

In the reality stage of love, you would see black as black, white as white, all the fantasies you have about love as influenced by movies would leave you so as all the exaggerations about love…you see reality, and if possible real love.

True love is when you still know and feel – this is the one meant for me, so I will still press on – whilst in the real state.


3. Not Checking The Source Of Love

Most of them are so intrigued by what happens to our physical bodies that we don’t care to know if the person talking about love. After all, he buys me gifts, he sounds so romantic, the voice, damn! Etc so we conclude it’s love and gives in the green light. That’s a terrible mistake.

Always check the persons love for God first. If the person doesn’t love God, he has no love to give to you. Remember God is love, he created love, so if he’s not in anyone that claims to love you flee from the fellow. They are just hunting for the cake or the papers.

In a nutshell, true love exists.

Take your time to propose and accept proposals, see love as a simple thing – no exaggerations, free from wrong perceptions and wrong decoding of love-related scenes, check if the proposer loves God and you’re bound to make the right choice. I wish you good luck.

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